What am I DOING?

To continue on with another negative post, I HATE CLINICAL!

Today I met my new patient and she made me cry :-( As you've read from previous posts, it really doesn't take much... but still. She didn't want me touching her - she told me I was incompetent - She was SO uncooperative and all she did was yell at me. While feeding her, first I brought her the ONLY juice out of the 4 that she doesn't like, (her chart said it was her favourite!) then her porridge wasn't sweet enough so I had to go get her sugar, then she wanted all the raisins picked out, then it was TOO COLD after I did all this racing around making everything JUST RIGHT! I was so flustered by the time I got to giving her bed bath that everything started going wrong! I put on her wrong blue sweater, she wanted the NAVY blue sweater not the dark blue sweater (after struggling for 5 mins to get in on her) You couldn't tell me that BEFORE I put it on you? At one point she even flung poo at me!!!

Later, when changing her depends, when putting on a new pair I pulled too hard, trying to prevent having to roll her on her side again and have her yell at me once more, so of course the depends ripped right in half!!! Then she screamed, "Can't you do anything right? Why don't you get someone in here that actually knows what they are doing?" So of course I got upset and had to get one of the nurses to help me. 3 weeks ago, I got such a glowing report from my clinical instructor telling me I was doing a great job, and that she could tell I have what it takes to be a good nurse, and then this week I hear how incompetent I am... bit of an ego crusher.

Then after clinical, our instructor lectured us for 45 minutes on how disappointed she was in us - there's no excuse as to why we are taking so long with each patient - her OTHER group of students does _______ better than us (she listed literally 20 things) Then she started reading out assignments from her other group, cuz apparantly they write essays better than us too! What a day - at least that part didn't bother me as much considering none of our assignments are marked, just a pass/fail... so whatever.

Thankfully I just have this patient for one more week, and we only have 4 more weeks of clinical.

Today is the first day that I am really questioning what I am doing? Why am I paying all this money in tuition, taking up so much of my time in school which is not allowing me to have any time for fun, not to mention I'll be taking a pay cut in the beginning when I leave my current job to become a nurse - makes me wonder why I bother - especially if I don't make it into medical school and my only option is nursing. But then I just have to remind myself that it was just a bad day...

So now I'm going to attempt to have 1 more hour of sleep before I have to go in to work tonight!

Tomorrow's another day.....